By Ashley Salem

One of the other hats I wear professionally is a meditation guide. My reflective nature fuels how I experience the world and those around me. As a meditation guide, I aid clients in ways to experience their feelings, explore what messages come along with our feelings, and begin to retool self-defeating thoughts using the model of cognitive behavioral therapy. As the COVID-19 pandemic ebbs and flows, we have the opportunity to tap into peace that is ready for us to receive and enjoy.

“The possession of peace is not the absence of hardship or obstacles. The invitation is for the hardship or obstacle to be experienced without initiating suffering.”

— Ashley Salem

A challenge to said peace are the hardships that come along with life that sometimes feels very unpredictable. We have lost loved ones and friends during this pandemic, and some have been fighting for their lives from the delta variant of COVID-19. Many, still without adequate employment that pays for their bills, work with the dynamic of their family for child care, as well as caring for loved ones who may have lost their homes or jobs and are trying to put the pieces back together.

I'd like to offer you some tangible and practical ways to love yourself — ways to help nurture your mind and spirit during this time. Practical tools that you can put on your tool belt that are useful during the pandemic, and during any times of hardship.

How stress can show up in our bodies

There are two types of stress. Eustress is the type of stress that is profitable for you. For example, the stress you may feel as excited when you're about to get on the rollercoaster, or building endurance through strength training. Distress is the type of stress that can be debilitating. Some examples of this type of stress are feelings of moderate or consistent overwhelm. This can be unrealistic demands at a job you feel you have to keep, or enduring abuse and feeling hopeless.

Eustress and distress have physical markers. Eustress or acute stress, can manifest by experiencing increased motivation, increased productivity, excitement, and boosted overall resilience. Distress can manifest as lack of sleep, chest pains, digestive issues, and mood changes. So, how do you more readily identify which type of stress you’re experiencing, if it’s not obvious? You do this by noticing and validating how you are experiencing what is happening by asking yourself a simple question: “Is this a challenge or is this a threat?” A step further is to ask, “Is this something that is damaging to my health and well-being, or is it an opportunity to learn something new that can help me be even better?”

How to honor, nurture and adore yourself

As we navigate the stress we have in our lives, making it a routine practice to pause, check-in with ourselves, and show ourselves kindness, is continually healthy and healing. Now, a fully-paid vacation with all the luxuries you can imagine would do everybody good. Although, if you don’t have an unlimited budget of time and money, nurturing your mental and spiritual health can be done in impactful ways, often with what you already have.

For this section, I am going to outline some of the automatic thoughts that often come up in our minds, and ways to challenge those thoughts. Oftentimes, these automatic, unvetted thoughts are the first barrier against caring and nurturing ourselves on a deep cellular level.

Thought: “I have so much to do this week, I can just do it (caring for yourself) later.”

Challenge: Time passes no matter what you do. If you are waiting for the perfect moment to rest, love yourself, love others, embrace goodness, then you may be missing welcoming opportunities. If you find yourself rushing from your long list of to-do’s, organizing transportation, and taking care of others, you deserve care, too. Next time you catch yourself in the busy-ness we all do, take a deep breath. Not just any breath. A breath that allows you to gently expand your lungs fully, hold your breath with a loving intention for yourself for one second, and release the breath fully for as long as it needs to take for the breath to flow out of your mouth. Engaging in this practice three times gives your body and mind the space to begin to recalibrate as fresh oxygen flows through your system. This can be done in the morning when you wake up, before you go to bed for the night, or literally anytime in-between.

Thought: “It’s 12:15 p.m. already? Ah, I’ll just work through my lunch break, again.”

Challenge: For this one, I’ll tell you a story. Years ago when working in a very toxic work environment a potential client who was exiting our building stopped to chat with me on her way out. She was very kind and asked me questions about what my passions were. She invited me to do lunch with her and asked me if tomorrow would be a good time. At that company, I had gotten into an unhealthy pattern of working off the clock, and working through lunch due to the constant shifting of expectations from leadership, lack of policies and procedures and overall order, being a one-person department, and a slew of other issues that were not communicated to me prior to accepting the job offer. Of course, I knew I couldn’t let this dear woman know that so I politely declined her offer. She then pulled out her phone so she could look at her schedule and offered other days and times. Again, I thanked her but declined. Now whether this woman read my face or my spirit, I don’t know. But, she came closer to my desk and leaned in, and told me something that chilled me to my bones. She said, “Ashley, when you die, they will replace you.” Then she walked out of the front door. I needed to hear that. When I later resigned from that company after two stints in the ER from chronic stomach issues from that company, I said never again. The precept here I lend to you is this— take care of yourself, first, and have healthy boundaries concerning every part of your life. This is even illustrated in the safety presentation before the pilot flies your airplane. The flight attendants instruct each passenger to put on their oxygen mask first, before assisting others. Do your best to ensure you are getting rest, water, and food. Honoring a practice of mindfulness, faith, physical activity, financial and sexual wellness aids in nurturing oneself.

other forms of Care

We often turn to doctors when we are not feeling well. We share what is bothering us and doctors, nurses and many of our other healthcare professionals provide us with medicines and treatment options. Be it that we are still in the COVID-19 pandemic, there has never been a more obvious time to see just how resilient and needed they are. In addition to doctors, not in lieu of, depending upon what a person may be experiencing, they may benefit from supplementary care. Meditation has been instrumental in my journey, allowing me to rest in my power by responding vs. reacting. Noticing my thoughts, and feeling my emotions has been healing. Meditation is one of many spokes in the wheel of mindfulness. An additional touchpoint in wellness is in having the opportunity to have herbs and oils that aid in health. I recently had the opportunity to speak with Ramona Tortorilla, who is a registered herbalist with Wild Roots People's Clinic, a local group of clinical herbalists in Omaha. She reached out to me interested in providing other forms of care for those suffering from illness. During our interview, we spoke about the approach of individualized care in the form of customized health blends.

A gentle reminder, and a socially distanced hug

We know that healthy stress can help us to grow and achieve more resiliency. We also know that pervasive unhealthy stress can lead us to despair and sickness. Advocating for ourselves to cultivate and keep healthy boundaries helps us to set limits on our time and resources. Setting limits allows us to be fully present when we say yes to an opportunity and have peace when we say no to opportunities that are not a good fit for us at the time. When we can notice our thoughts and appropriately challenge those thoughts, we can be less reactionary which is helpful for our mental health as well as the adrenal system that benefits from us not being in a constant state of fight or flight. Using health aids in the forms of teas, oils, and supplements helps us to address our care holistically. You can nurture your mental and spiritual health in small ways every day. Giving yourself time and space to routinely rest, take breaks from social media, TV, games and your endless to-do lists is a wholesome way to show up for yourself. Take care of your body, and drink your water. No one gets to go through life unscathed. We all have moments of triumph and despair, as well as every emotion in-between. They are all important. Helping us to understand ourselves better as well as the world around us.

If you are in crisis, get immediate help: